Monthly Archives: November 2013

Best Thanksgiving Headline

Severely Constipated Asian Elephant Dies Hmm.  The symbol of the national Republican party fills up with its own shit and dies.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Posted in News From the Nation's Dicktip | 2 Comments

Let The Season Begin

Bring on the Christmas balls! HINGHAM, Mass. (AP) – A man who played Santa Claus at a Massachusetts mall has been barred from the shopping center after he was charged with groping an 18-year-old woman playing an elf. Police say … Continue reading

Posted in NIMBY | 2 Comments

Doctor, It Hurts When I Do This

Well, don’t do that.  Or this, either: A Lake Worth doctor carried on a ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ style relationship with a female patient after hours in his office — using whips, blindfolds and other sadomasochistic acts in an unconventional … Continue reading

Posted in News From the Nation's Dicktip | 6 Comments

Outside My Physician’s Office

Obviously they’re anticipating ObamaCare. (Thanks Bob and Chippy Rose!)

Posted in Shaken and Stirred | Leave a comment

Bend Over and Bleed

Here’s how to make Thursdays fun. At 2:30 I bend over so the urologist could shove two fat-knuckled fingers up my ass to feel up my prostate gland. Why two fingers? “As a precaution, I encourage my patients to get … Continue reading

Posted in Shaken and Stirred | 3 Comments

50 Shades of Orange

Posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment | 7 Comments

…….Rattle and Roll

at the Parkinson’s Foundation gala this evening — the wait staff came in uniform!

Posted in Shaken and Stirred | 1 Comment


As a true American, steeped in tradition and schooled by progress, I pledge to Not Thank on Shopsgiving. And I don’t give a smoked turkey’s ass if you join me or not.  What business is it of mine (or yours) … Continue reading

Posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment | 14 Comments

Veterans Day 2013

After all, they’re part of that 47%, right?  Welfare bums!  Freeloaders!  Parasites!

Posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment | 5 Comments

Maxwell House

Joy Johnson, who at 86 was the oldest woman to complete Sunday’s New York City Marathon, died on Monday at Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan. As the New York Daily News reports, Johnson fell and hit her head on pavement near … Continue reading

Posted in People Who Died, Died | 2 Comments