Doctor, It Hurts When I Do This

Well, don’t do that.  Or this, either:

A Lake Worth doctor carried on a ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ style relationship with a female patient after hours in his office — using whips, blindfolds and other sadomasochistic acts in an unconventional bid to combat her depression, according to Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office reports.

In 2011, the female patient, now 39, told investigators about [Dr. David] Simon’s methods after her psychologist got in touch with deputies. The psychologist was concerned because the woman spoke of a sexual relationship with a physician who was withholding her medication, according to Sheriff’s Office incident reports.

Simon told deputies he did nothing wrong, and said the relationship was “fully consensual.” The woman agreed the relationship was consensual, although she said she suspected it was inappropriate…. Simon also told deputies that the woman initiated the activity. He said she had asked him if he was “into sex toys and requested to have a sadomasochistic relationship with him,” according to the report. He said he agreed but told the woman he couldn’t see her as a patient anymore if they were to have a sexual relationship.  — Sun Sentinel

bound rodentNothing surprises me less about this sordid little romance than the fact that a doctor is into S&M.  I’ve always harbored the belief that the practice of medicine is a perfect fit for a prospective sadist, right up there with other hands-on authority figures like cops and sports coaches.

Conducting these thrilling little sessions at your office is a singularly bad idea, though.  Even a dumb animal knows you don’t shit where you eat.  Unless you’re a dung beetle.

That aside, her story stinks.  It’s pretty clear to me that everything was just fine until it wasn’t, and then this obviously disturbed young lady devised a way to get even.  They disagree over when the doctor/patient relationship ended and sexual relationship started (he says he told her they couldn’t have both; she denies it), but she admits she didn’t pay for these “sessions.”

According to the report, the woman “believed this was therapy” and told deputies that Simon told her it would help her.  “I don’t really like it but he told me it would help,” the woman was quoted as telling investigators.

Oh, c’mon lady.  He told you nothing of the sort.  The man is an osteopath, not a shrink.  He was whipping your ass, not stroking your self-esteem.  And everything was just aces and cotton candy until he broke it off — sexual relationships have a way of growing stale, have you heard? — and like the classic spurned woman (with a history of psychological problems) you are, you sought revenge.  You ate cheese.  You ratted him out.

Meanwhile, the Florida Board of Osteopathic Medicine wants to revoke Simon’s medical license.  Maybe he’ll go pro — convert his office into a private dungeon and conduct his “sessions” on a fee-basis.  Say — you think this would be covered by ObamaCare?  If so, I bet that would change a lot of its detractors‘ opinions.

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6 Responses to Doctor, It Hurts When I Do This

  1. syrbal-labrys says:

    Wow….I just gotta say, the only way I’d enter into a relationship of this sort with any of the doctors I’ve known is if I was the one with the whip. Then those bitches don’t get to whine…

  2. Living Will says:

    Makes sense to me. Nothing says “Cheer up and feel better about yourself” than an hour locked in a closet, blindfolded and tied up.

  3. odtley says:

    every therapist doctor and shrink i ever met in the dozens of loony bins and rehab centers i lived in on and off had sadistic inclinations they could barely cover up and some didnt even try telling us every day what fucking losers we all were and how lucky because they werent allowed any more to experiment on our wasted brains or vivisect and rape us

    in some insane way this actually helped me because it made me want to get the hell out of there not that i wanted to stick around for any other reason but the cleaner more reliable drugs i could get for myself and resale

    one night out on the street 3 of us spotted one of our former fucksicians so we jumped his ass and pummeled his face didn’t rob or steal nothing because we wanted him to know it was us and not some anonymous mugger

    its a jungle in there

    • Squathole says:

      Odtley — Thought we’d lost you. Nice to see you back here. And OMG — it appears you’ve mastered the techniques of making sentences and separate paragraphs!

      • odtley says:

        a little vacation as we baker act veterans prefer to call these excursions but yes my happy ass is out in the rain again enjoying a new concoction of meds that seems to let me focus long enough to finish a sentence now and then as you noticed but dont count on it lasting or anything else for that matter but you know the drill

  4. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

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