Got It Covered. That, Too.

This is about Health Insurance.

Guido and I have had coverage for years through my various employers.  When that came to an end, we got by on the infamous COBRA provision, where coverage is continued so long as we pay the premiums and don’t allow it to lapse.  When that option closed in 2010…….

paperworkWe would have been screwed.  Two decrepit uninsurables thanks to age and “pre-existing conditions.”  Despite overall excellent health — neither one of us even takes any medication other than alcohol —  we’re both cancer patients (breast and prostate: guess which is which).

But thanks to ObamaCare, our insurance company was obligated to offer us a policy.  It didn’t have to be a good or inexpensive policy, and it wasn’t.  Premiums were in excess of $2,000/month and it covered less than Adam’s fig-leaf.  Plus they handed us price increases every quarter!

When news about insurance companies’ widespread policy elimination started — you know, the little maneuver that led to Obama winning the Lie of the Year Award –I called Cigna and asked if we were going to be axed.  The agent fetched my file and actually started laughing.  “No way, Dude!  $2,250/month?  Saps like you are the ones who keep this company in business!  Speaking of which, you wanna talk about an upgrade?  You want maternity coverage, maybe?”

Drooling asswipe.  Cover this.

Starting October 1, Guido got on-line and started the futile process.  To bypass the bottlenecks and glitches, she tried every day, multiple times per day, as early as 4 AM, but to no avail.  She called and spoke to gubmint representatives, everyone of whom was equally patient, polite, and utterly worthless.  Politeness is the new Incompetent, you know.

But she got her name on a list of people who were supposed to get a return call in some parallel universe when matters improved, and who could allegedly get us signed up over the phone.  Neither one of us put a whole lot of faith in this outcome, so Guido kept on trying well into December to crack through the website’s detours and pitfalls.

“If Amtrak ran this bad, we’d have more corpses on the tracks than the Indian Railroad,” she muttered at one point.  Or something like that.  And she muttered at 70 DB.

And then one day last week, somebody called back!  And left a message!  And got on the phone when Guido called her back!  And about two hours later, we were actually signed up through the Federal health care marketplace for a new (and cheaper) policy!


To finalize the deal, we had to call Cigna and officially switch policies.  And guess whose website and telephone lines weren’t working all of a sudden?  Pause here to remember that one of the most derisive comments leveled against ObamaCare is that wasteful apathetic overpaid gubmint drones aren’t as capable or motivated as the private sector.  Turns out Cigna, at least, is every bit as capable of blocking access and failing to accommodate clients.  And they have obnoxious hold-button music and irritating repetitive recorded messages, too.  Another triumph of the private sector — matching government’s ineffectiveness!

But Guido is nothing if not persistent, and about 10 days into it, she got through.  An hour later, after an exchange of emails and documents on-line, plus an electronic transfer of funds to seal the deal, we had ourselves new coverage.  Best of all: with the subsidy we earned, we’re saving about $1,900/month.  You read that right.

So I ask you to remember this True Facts Tale to weigh against the vapid vituperations you’re hearing non-stop on Wingnut Radio about everybody — no exceptions — despising ObamaCare, cursing the prevaricating socialist Kenyan Muslim (and did you notice that he’s *whisper* Black?) for personally destroying their beloved insurance contracts, and forcing all health policy premiums up to levels Americans can’t afford.  This is just one story, but it’s one of success.

To celebrate, I plan to have an expensive stroke.

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7 Responses to Got It Covered. That, Too.

  1. Flaming Yon says:

    Cigna’s no worse than any of the other major players (and probably no better, either). I’ve had the same kind of miseries with Blue Cross, Humana, and United over the years for the same reason: their objective is to spend as little as possible and make it as difficult as they can to file a claim and collect a check. Never ever ever confuse insurance companies with health providers. To them it’s all just data to be processed.

  2. Wes From Wichita says:

    Good for you but Fox News keeps telling me just the opposite. I’m 65 years old and love their reverse mortgage and gold commercials, so I’m really kind of torn on who to believe. By the way, nothing for nothing, but do you think Santa Claus is black?

    • Sue Perfluous (not my real name) says:

      Wes from Wichita: I’m big on Fox News myself. But I know for a fact that Santa Claus isn’t black — in fact, Ol’ St. Nick is a cross-gender Central European Asian distantly related to Attila the Hun. Heard that on the Michael Savage show.

    • Hose B says:

      I’m not sure about Santa Claus, but I heard on Fox news that to cut expenses he’s hired Mexicans to replace American elves.

  3. 'Nonymous says:

    Well congratulations, I guess. But your hero in the White House can’t be all that happy about yet another senior citizen getting through while the crucial younger/uninsured consumers remain on the sidelines. This plan is doomed.

  4. Private Partz says:

    With the State of the Union address behind us, and the election ahead, how many times this year do you think the Rethuglican majority in the House will vote to defund Obamacare? The Vegas betting line is 12.5.

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