By now everybody knows about the Nation’s Dicktip’s latest contribution to the culture of gun violence: if not, read it here. Summary: The guy’s texting (not talking) in a movie theater upsets a retired cop; they get into an argument about it. The guy ends up tossing his popcorn at the cop, so the cop shoots him dead.
Reacting to this horror tale, lots of people are drawing the wrong conclusions about Florida, guns, cops, cellular phones, violence, and mental health. As a 30-year citizen of the Nation’s Dicktip — that makes me a native (practically) — I’m here to set these matter straight. Here are the story’s proper takeaways:
- Never use a cell phone in a theater. If you must text, go out to your car and drive around like everybody else in Florida.
- Popcorn needs to be more closely regulated. This incident could have been avoided had the popcorn-flinger been more carefully screened. Suppose that popcorn had been salted and buttered, or (horrors) treated with deadly artificial substitute substances? These are deadly to senior citizens like the shooter.
- Despite the fact that shooter is a retired police officer, Florida’s admirable Stand Your Ground law is not applicable here because the victim this time was white and not wearing a hoodie.
- Insofar as guns (and knives) are specifically prohibited by corporate policy from this theater chain , they become ipso facto killing zones where crazies, criminals, and retired police officers feel welcome, encouraging creation of incidents like this one. Therefore, (a) the corporate policy enables fatal outcomes, so (b) Corporate shares moral and legal responsibility for the outcome. The clear alternative……
- Theater patrons should be encouraged to carry weapons. Had the victim been armed, he might have been able to defend himself; had other patrons been armed, they might have fired back, turning the darkened theater into a shooting range, aiming at muzzle flashes and cutting down potential killers. Isn’t that a better outcome?
- Florida understands that the Second Amendment is absolute: No Exceptions! The deadly deployment of a weapon in a theater on a popcorn-armed man is actually an act of patriotism. God bless the retired peace officer.
I hope this clears matters up before the liberal media elite turns it into another overblown Sandy Hook style farce.