Guns and Bozos (yet again)

guns_and_popcornBy now everybody knows about the Nation’s Dicktip’s latest contribution to the culture of gun violence: if not, read it here.  Summary:  The guy’s texting (not talking) in a movie theater upsets a retired cop; they get into an argument about it.  The guy ends up tossing his popcorn at the cop, so the cop shoots him dead.

Reacting to this horror tale, lots of people are drawing the wrong conclusions about Florida, guns, cops, cellular phones, violence, and mental health.  As a 30-year citizen of the Nation’s Dicktip — that makes me a native (practically) —  I’m here to set these matter straight.  Here are the story’s proper takeaways:

  • Never use a cell phone in a theater.  If you must text, go out to your car and drive around like everybody else in Florida.
  • Popcorn needs to be more closely regulated.  This incident could have been avoided had the popcorn-flinger been more carefully screened.  Suppose that popcorn had been salted and buttered, or (horrors) treated with deadly artificial substitute substances?  These are deadly to senior citizens like the shooter.
  • Despite the fact that shooter is a retired police officer, Florida’s admirable Stand Your Ground law is not applicable here because the victim this time was white and not wearing a hoodie.
  • Insofar as guns (and knives) are specifically prohibited by corporate policy from this theater chain , they become ipso facto killing zones where crazies, criminals, and retired police officers feel welcome, encouraging creation of incidents like this one.  Therefore, (a) the corporate policy enables fatal outcomes, so (b) Corporate shares moral and legal responsibility for the outcome.  The clear alternative……
  • Theater patrons should be encouraged to carry weapons.  Had the victim been armed, he might have been able to defend himself; had other patrons been armed, they might have fired back, turning the darkened theater into a shooting range, aiming at muzzle flashes and cutting down potential killers.  Isn’t that a better outcome?
  • Florida understands that the Second Amendment is absolute: No Exceptions!  The deadly deployment of a weapon in a theater on a popcorn-armed man is actually an act of patriotism.  God bless the retired peace officer.

I hope this clears matters up before the liberal media elite turns it into another overblown Sandy Hook style farce.

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7 Responses to Guns and Bozos (yet again)

  1. julesagray says:

    In our defense, the media aren’t treating this like Sandy Hook. Not even close.

    • 'Nonymous says:

      Ooh ooh ooh somebody sounds defensive. But ever hopeful, I’m bracing for the limp-wristed anti-gun contingent to turn this into another crusade. What will it be this time? Annual mandatory mental health evaluations for retired cops if they want to own weapons? There’s got to be SOME new law liberals say will take our guns away and make us completely safe.

      • julesagray says:

        oooh ooh ooh..someone sounds like a paranoid choad.

        good luck with that.

        Kisses! mwah!

      • One Man's Opinion says:

        Hey ‘NonymAss….Ooh ooh ooh….I like your idea of ” Annual mandatory mental health evaluations”, but let’s not restrict it to just retired cops. I think it sounds reasonable for all cops, active or retired. Good mental, no problem; mental health issues?, don’t take away the guns. Just put all the nut cases in theater together & let ’em shoot it out. Last man standing gets to pick the flick. Just saying.

  2. Wes From Wichita says:

    Popcorn kills.
    Pass it on.

  3. Frank of Oregon says:

    Good point about the hoodie-less white victim. I have no trouble imagining a scenario where the texter is a black teenager (and why isn’t he in school?). Everything afterwards — management not responding, the argument, throwing the popcorn — takes on a different perspective. Now the old white guy feels Threatened By A Negro — in the good old days down south, that could lead to a lynching, dad gummit! Bud today, we settle for Stand Your Ground.

    • Hose B says:

      I think one reason this isn’t getting as much attention is no racial factors are involved. It’s not as sexy — just another crabby old fart in Florida losing his mind. Besides, the victim doesn’t have a memorable name like Trayvon.

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