Looking through some prior pearls for something to post for Valentine’s Day, I find this rather morbid tale of a few years ago, but with a message as contemporary as 2/14/14.
And before you ask, No, I don’t make it a regular practice to visit Murderella.com.
Tempe, AZ [P]olice arrested a woman Tuesday night on suspicion that she tied up a man during sex, then stabbed him repeatedly with a knife and told him she likes to drink blood. …
The man told police he had consented to being tied up but became scared when the woman attacked him with a knife. He eventually freed himself and ran away, but Sutton chased him with a pickax, police said. …
Both admitted to authorities that they had consumed alcohol and drugs prior to the attack, [authorities] said……[The victim] later told police the entire encounter was consensual. — Murderella
Stuttering Stoopid Cupid! Who can I call about this? How about Mistress Douches Baggus, an occasional patron over at the Liquor and Rubber Balls Sports Emporium and Formal Wear, for an expert’s insights? I dial her up.
“Amateurs,” she sneers. “Clowns like this give people like me a bad name.”
I actually wasn’t aware you enjoyed a good name, Mistress.
“Believe it, bunghole. …”
“Whatever. When clients come calling they know what they’re in for, and they pay me my price. I hurt them enough to satisfy what they want, but make sure it’s not so tough they don’t come back.”
Gotta keep the repeat customers repeating, I guess.
“That’s how you build a business, whether it’s plugging butts or unplugging drains.”
Ever work knives into your act?
“Trade secret, nutface. Blood sports are messy, but they have their place. Don’t need knives, either. Ever see what a rhinoceros hide whip does to bare flesh?”
Uh, no. Pass.
“Smart move, unlike this fucknuckle. Never ever ever put yourself in a position of vulnerability with somebody you don’t know real well. He’s lucky he’s still got all his moving parts.”
Got a busy Valentine’s Day schedule?
“Three cops, one judge, a school teacher, and a respiratory therapist with a latex asphyxiation fetish. God, I hope I never pass out and find that BVDeviant standing over me.”
Anybody bringing you red roses?
“Oh, fuck the roses! Give me the thorns!”