Hoppin’ Mad

A Florida man was arrested over the weekend after his girlfriend accused him of attacking her pet rabbit following an argument over women’s rights. — RawStory

wabbitThat’s pretty good already, innit?  A bunnih beater!  Jimmy Carter, are you out there?

The two young lovers were arguing at their hutch place in Boynton Beach. He told her something along the lines of, “It’s a man’s world,” to which she took exception. Not since the days of Socratic dialogs have there been such thoughtful profundities. But then —

The argument grew more heated, and… she retreated into her bedroom and told him the relationship was over.

Then she heard high-pitched screaming from the living room, and she walked in to find [her boyfriend] abusing one of her pet rabbits, Bun Bun.

[The woman] said the man punched and choked Bun Bun until blood poured from the rabbit’s eyes, and she said Wertz dropped the animal after she confronted him.

Whoa! A vicious rabbit punch and down goes Bun Bun! Down goes Bun Bun! But there might be a better explanation — maybe he was just trying to do a Friedman Test and got sloppy.

The rabbit had burst blood vessels in its eyes, and [might never] regain full vision. The other rabbit suffered some soft-tissue trauma, and both animals are being treated with medication.

Thank god for ObamaCare. Meanwhile, 42 plaintiffs’ attorneys (so far) have sent letters or emails promoting their services. One firm, Carrot & Stick, P.A., was represented by an emailer who gave the name “Stew.” This one is suspicious.

Besides, why is this news?  “Man Beats Bunny” isn’t news.  “Bunny Beats Man” — now that’s news.

I’m a bit suspicious myself. She reported hearing screams — do rabbits scream? Or was he doing the screaming? And as long as we’re asking questions, what’s invisible and smells like carrots? Free beer to the first commenter with the right answer.

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10 Responses to Hoppin’ Mad

  1. Yes, rabbits scream. And I have to tell you, it is a horrid agonized sound when they do it.

    • Edgar Allan Podunk, Goth Hick says:

      Ice cream, you scream, rabbits scream…..or should that be creamed rabbit? Whatever. The only experience I have with screaming rabbits is when I see a nature show and a bird of prey swoops down to grab one. So whether or not “it’s a man’s world,” Nature’s a bitch.

  2. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  3. Frank of Oregon says:

    What is the matter with you Floridians?

  4. Lois Terms says:

    Rabbits Feet: 8
    Good Luck: 0

  5. Ted Williams' Head says:

    I find this baffling. A real Floridian would’ve punched not her pet rabbits. but her own personal blouse bunnies. What’s the matter with this dipshit? Inquiring (and detached) minds want to know.

  6. One Man's Opinion says:

    I just bet he feels like a real man when he beats up on rabbits. Gives a whole new meaning to “rabbit punch.”

  7. ya' gotta' guessit says:

    Pay up, you bastard.

    • Squathole says:

      That’s a much better answer and I owe you a beer. But the one I had in mind was, “Bunny farts.” Meanwhile, there’s this

  8. Flaming Yon says:

    Bun Baby Bun

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