Pabst Smear

Putin PabsstThis says it best: “Russians just bought America’s Most Beloved Crappy Beer.

“We were advised that even the Russians couldn’t make this swill worse than it’s been for 130 years,” Russian CEO Pyotr Pisninacupski told BeerSlurpers Magazine in an exclusive interview. “So we’re going ahead with our plan to replace the Red White and Blue color scheme with a photograph of Vladimir Putin.  Bare-chested, of course.”

I stopped drinking it a few months ago — it tasted the same, but it was making me somewhat queasy and bloated, even after just one.   I also read (but haven’t verified) that it’s made with corn syrup, one of the many sweeteners I avoid like ebola.

Let’s see if they change the formula, or where it’s brewed.  I’m guessing No — it ain’t broke, so why fix it?  Then again, look at what happened to Rolling Rock when Asshowler-Busch took it over.  And we are talking about Russians, here.

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7 Responses to Pabst Smear

    • Squathole says:

      Thanks, Thor — I’d seen this list before, but I’m not convinced it’s accurate. Even so, other than Pabst (which I’ve abandoned, at least temporarily) the only one I drink is Guinness, which is reportedly NOT using sweeteners any more, (if it ever did). I’ve had a lot of Guinness, often consuming an entire pitcher, and never had a problem other than really bad farts. I’m talking about clearing-the-bar farts. Blowing the covers off the bed farts. Sharpened by hard-boiled eggs and horse radish. Aah the memories.

  1. Moose and Squirrel says:

    Anybody who drinks Pabst deserves what they get. It’s been a bad beer for over a century. For the life of me I don’t know how it got to become the hipsters’ delight over the last few years, but then again, I don’t see the appeal of tattooed titties and earlobe spreaders, either.

  2. Constance Turmohel says:

    If we’re talkin’ Philly dawg libations,

    who can forget baseball and Ballantine?

    The beer wasn’t very good but then, neither were the Phillies.

    For the kiddies, “If it’s Franks, thanks.”

    For the older kiddies you could always snitch one or two
    of these toward the end of the game and nobody would notice:

    Ortlieb’s, Schmidt’s, Ballantine, Piels, Valley Forge or Iron City.

    • Borkon says:

      In south Jersey, all those beers were available except IC, which I understand was a staple in Pittsburgh. It also tasted like a staple in Pittsburgh. A rusty one. My father and his grease monkey friends drank Blatz and Yuengling. My favorite was Rolling Rock until it changed. Oh, and the Phillies suck again, so maybe Ortliebs will return.

  3. Private Partz says:

    Nothing wrong with Ballantine. Except the taste, consistency, and intestinal distress it caused. The 3-Ring Sign suggested ringworm. Then there’s this:

  4. Clutch Cargo says:

    “Yumpin’ Yimminy, It’s Yamboree!”

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