It’s Nature’s Way

Cats in ParksLook — this is silly. Of COURSE you don’t want to abandon a cat in the seaside park — the creature will survive, even flourish, feeding itself on native birds and rodents (the 4-legged variety) and ingratiating itself to assorted bipeds who will feed it, even caress it.

To properly and effectively dispose of an unwanted feline, the procedure is to park your car and walk down to the ocean. Heave the beast as far as you can into the waves. Should it make it back to shore, repeat the operation. Some advocates suggest tying their legs together and placing them in bags first, but this harms the environment. You could also hurt yourself: they tend to fight back.

Just don’t bring them to me. I have six already, and there’s a stray in the neighborhood who has struck up a friendship with Chuckles, our special needs cat, who loves everybody. The extra chromosome, you know.

Questions? Call my vet, Dr Kevorkian. He’s in the book. Or booked.  One or the other.

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3 Responses to It’s Nature’s Way

  1. E.O. Hippus says:

    This won’t work. Cats float. You have to hold them down.

  2. Mister E says:

    Silly wabbit. The sign isn’t for you, it’s for the cats! It’s so they don’t bolt from their owners and seek wet paw/dry paw immunity.

  3. Diesel Fitter says:

    When I called Dr Kevorkian I got a recorded message that he was “out of the office.”

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