Up Next: Battle of the Bottom Feeders

Just two weeks ago in this space, I obnoxiously opined that local coverage of the Marlins was a load of over-hyped fertilizer inspired by an aggressive and hollow ownership team, stuff that any sensible baseball observer recognized as smoke, mirrors, and marketing. Bless their two-chambered hearts, with their 3-10 start and frantic on-field failures, the Marlins have made me look brilliant — not an easy task — by under-performing even their most severe critics’ projections. To reiterate: the team is at best a slightly better than .500 squad, and our South Florida media has been either hornswoggled or just too damn complicit to see through the curtains of smoke and fog Marlins management has blown up their collective asses and report the Truth.

Give the team some credit, though: they lead the majors in panicky players-only team meetings to wring their hands and scratch for solutions.

pretzel-tebow-ppf-getty-600

Philly Soft Pretzel

Look: they’re not as bad as they’ve started off. The will improve. It’s a young team, and they need to adjust to their smarter, more experienced competition. It will take this entire season. The nonsense about post-season success is pure fantasy, and any sophisticated sports observer would have labeled it as such. Too bad that level of commentariat is missing in local media.

Instead we have this crock of festering crap about firing the manager. Great plan. Inject more instability. As bad as this ownership group is, they’re not that inept, even if the local sportsholes start muttering about it.

Today they open a series against my Phillies, the worst team in the division, about which I can only say they’re playing exactly to expectations. This is an opportunity for the Marlins to get the feel of what it takes to grind out runs and dominate the game, notching a few Ws. The Phillies, who signed a secret pact with the Eagles to share the talents of TimTebow (he’ll split his time as a 4th QB for the Eags and designated hitter for the Phillies in intrasquad competition), have nowhere to go this season until The Contract (a/k/a Ryan Howard) is either cut or traded for a bag of broken bats and Valencia oranges. Their role this season is the bottom-feeding bait fish of the National League.

Maybe, just maybe, local writers and radio hosts will wake up to the scam they’ve signed onto and start behaving professionally. And maybe, just maybe, this summer in south Florida won’t be hot and humid.

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5 Responses to Up Next: Battle of the Bottom Feeders

  1. Piles says:

    The team is a classic case of reading and believing your own hype. Told they would succeed, they focus on that expectation rather than the job of achieving success. When it doesn’t happen they get frustrated, start pressing, and dig themselves deeper. I agree they’re a better squad than what we’ve seen thus far, but they need to get themselves reoriented.

  2. Private Partz says:

    I heard an hour of Jeff DeForrest on 940-AM yesterday morning and while he was treating ‘Fire Redmon” rumors seriously, he got Dave Hyde from the Sun-Sentinel on the line who dismissed such talk as idiocy. Although he added that with a nutbag like Luria, anything is possible.

  3. Borkon says:

    That’s almost believable about Tebow. How much worse a hitter could he be than Ryan Howard at this point? Sports in this town just keep getting weirder, not better.

  4. Constance Turmohel says:

    Yo, Your Eminence, Pope of Fishtown

    1st of all, you’re giving Flounder a bad name

    2nd, you need to halve your expectations. Our 2 chambered homies, the fish of summer,
    are presently struggling to play .250 ball.

  5. Barbara Ganousch says:

    A .500 season is about right, but even then I’d hedge my bets because there’s the not-as-outside-as-it-should-be chance that Village Idiot Owner will intervene again. They’re playing badly, but I suspect their biggest problem isn’t their bats or gloves, but their heads.

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