Ya Gotta Believe

Jade Helm2Despite dire warnings, anguished Sky-Is-Falling cries, and grim vows to resist, the military operation dubbed Jade Helm has been launched on schedule in Texas.

In case you missed them, months ago the Wingnut Echo chamber was vibrating with alarms about military aircraft and vehicles spotted all over the country, reports that plans included using Wal-Mart stores as temporary internment centers, veterans having their weapons confiscated, and much much more. Conspiracy theorists experienced multiple spontaneous orgasms at just the thought of these goldarn gee-whiz rock-solid proofs that the Muslim Barack Hussein Obama was selling out America.

Such learned luminaries as actor Chuck Norris and Sen Ted Cruz issued statements of concern and warning. (Not sure how Donald Trump missed this one.)

The prevailing paranoid line is that the Federal government was planning to “take over” Texas, although motives varied. Revenge for threatening to secede? Spite? Jes’ fer kicks?

According to some right-wing bloggers and activists, the exercise is part of a secret plot by the Obama administration to impose martial law, confiscate firearms, invade red-state Texas or prepare for instituting “total population control.” A report on Infowars, a website operated by Alex Jones, a libertarian-leaning talk radio host from Texas, suggested the name Helm was an acronym for Homeland Eradication of Local Militants. — NYTimes

But despite home-grown clowns like Gov Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry, not everybody in Texas is a crazed loon:

They’re worried that they’re going to come in and take their firearms away,” [one resident] said. “Martial law, basically. I try not to listen to all these conspiracy-theory-type people. All they’re worried about is their beer and their guns.” — NYTimes

“Guns and beer.” That’s exactly the sentiment I encountered at the Confederate flag rally in Marion County (FL) last weekend.  Jade-Helm-Memory-Wipes-Label-600I’d say, “You can’t make this shit up,” but obviously, somebody did!

It’s all bullshit, fodder and cheap thrills for the brainless, a truly hilarious scenario (except for the uncomfortable realization that millions of Americans are buying in. And they vote!). The part I enjoy the most is that these drooling dolts are the very same ones who dismiss the rest of us as “sheeple;” weak, passive, and gullible, walking in lockstep towards our own demise at the hands of evil anti-American libtards who hate America.

And when it all blows over, these same lintheads will nod wisely and tell us the why nothing happened: It was their preemptive vigilance. Thank god for their courage and call to arms! And don’t worry — surely there will be other attempts at a takeover, and they’ll be ready once more, even if us sheeple ain’t.

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6 Responses to Ya Gotta Believe

  1. Dawgbowl says:

    True Believers. No matter what happens, they have their own take, their own spin, and literally no facts or proof that they’re all wrong can be considered. It might as well be religion.

  2. Helen Highwater says:

    Yeah they’re astoundingly ignorant and gullible. They WANT to think they know things not everybody grasps — it’s like their imaginary friend. It makes them special. And you’re right — no matter what happens, they’ll think it’s because they had something to do with it.

  3. Wonton Amaro says:

    I’d tell you how wrong you are but my head is stuck inside this aluminum foil helmet.

  4. Living Will says:

    Is Jade Helm related to Jesse?

  5. Pingback: Who’s the Sheeple Now, Lamb Chop? | Obalesque

  6. Pingback: Oh Will They Never Learn? | Obalesque

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