Stimulating

brain-boostTalking lately to a nerdy friend whose idea is to establish a brain-stimulation clinic. The machinery is inexpensive, and there don’t seem to be any licensing and regulatory hurdles other than those that govern businesses generally.

I do some research and find this, to start:

Neuroscientists began experimenting in earnest with transcranial direct current stimulation about 15 years ago. In such stimulation, electric current is administered at levels that are hundreds of times less than those used in electroconvulsive therapy. To date, more than 1,000 peer-reviewed studies of the technique have been published. Studies have suggested, among other things, that the stimulation may be beneficial for treating problems like depression and chronic pain as well as enhancing cognition and learning in healthy individuals. —NYTimes

Evidently the model started with DIY experimenters. Sticking stuck electrodes on their own heads, through trial and error, they generated some good vibes and (they maintain) improved health.  Zap away anxiety! Charge off depression! Never lose your car keys again!

The device scientists use for stimulation is essentially a nine-volt battery attached to two wires that are connected to electrodes placed at various spots on the head. A crude version can be constructed with just a bit of electrical know-how…. Figuring out how to stimulate your own brain requires work. To determine where to place the electrodes and what level of current to use, these individuals rely heavily on scientific journal articles.

I have to believe there were some singed hair and blistered skin, too, but hey — Edison didn’t get the light bulb right on the first try, either.

Anyway, we need to do a lot more research on constructing (or buying) the equipment, and how to locate electrodes for specific outcomes.  And of course before opening to the public and charging for services, we’d need to conduct experiments. Anybody interested in volunteering, please send an email to Squathole@gmail.com. We’ll buy you a beer, and provide the Bactine and bandages (if needed).

Our goal is to be open the studio for business by December, in time for tourists and the Christmas Season. I suggest calling it Fried Branes While U Wait. That could change, too.

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5 Responses to Stimulating

  1. Living Will says:

    Go for it. If it works out, expand services to lobotomies. All you need by way of equipment is a small ice pick and cheap sunglasses,

  2. Hose B says:

    Sure, why not — Do It Yourself ECT. Perfect industry for Florida, where self-styled experts perform sidewalk dentistry from their car trunks, and call injecting their asses with Fix-A-Flat plastic surgery.

  3. Ruh Roh says:

    Good line of work for ex-CIA interrogators.

  4. odtlety says:

    having had ect about 20 times so far or maybe more i forget for some reason this doesnt surprise me becuz it turns out ect itself is addictive for some people who when they cant get any treatments prescribed any more end up doing it to themselves anyway often with fatal or disfiguring results you can see for yourself in any homeless shelter n fact i think debby wasserman shultz is one of them look at her goddam hair

  5. Cap says:

    French Fry The Canadians and build the wall on THAT border

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