Letters of Nut

Gather ’round, Grandkids. And put down those Tide pods — they’re for dessert.

Back before blogs, I regularly sent lots of cranky letters to people, some of whom actually answered. In rooting through old files the other say, I discovered I still have a bunch, including a thick file folder filled with exchanges between me and various clodpates at the Miami Hurled, like their runty publisher. Save that for another day.

When we first moved to Florida, I was struck by the astonishing incompetence of, well, everybody. Restaurant help, counter clerks, paraprofessionals, trash collectors —  it was everywhere. It was like everybody was faking it. But what floored me flat was the sheer illiteracy of so-called professionals in advertising and journalism, people who were supposed to able to craft simple sentences, but clearly had difficulties. So when I got this flyer in the mail, I had to respond:


“Florda.” Pretty classy, innit. Trust this outfit to provide you with sensitive data on charitable donations and philanthropic institutions? Like what this says about your chosen profession? Ass afire, I dashed off this indignant letter:

I never got a response. Wonder why. Truth to tell, I was kinda hoping for a job offer.

Aah, well. The 80s. Blogging turned out to be more fun anyway, and nowadays all sorts of twisted correspondents are happy to respond. As we’ll see over the next few days.

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This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment, Shaken and Stirred. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Letters of Nut

  1. Ruh Roh says:

    What kind of job do you think would have been offered — Nitpicker In Chief?

    • Travis T says:

      He’d be so good at it, they wouldn’t hire him. This is Florda, remember?

    • Barbara Ganouche says:

      Actually, I think the job is called “copy editor,” but you might be too young to remember when this was actually considered an important function in print media. It’s been largely eliminated because (a) they cost too much, (b) people can’t spell anyway, and (c) in the internet age, people just look at the pretty pictures anyway. Next to go: English teachers. Hopefully by then I’ll be retired anyway.

  2. Hollywood Hal says:

    Those of us who’ve lived in south Florida for a long time grow weary of arriving northeasterners who do nothing but complain about how much better everything and everybody was back where they came from, whether it’s the taste of a tomato or the quality of the water. If everything was so much better, why did they stay here? Yeah that’s a real embarrassing typo that should have been caught. What, these never happen in the Wall Street Journal, or advertising flyers in Jersey? Please.

    • Borkon says:

      After trying life in Miami for 2 years, I came back to Jersey, I never saw such backasswards bullshit at every level in my entire life, from traffic and health care to education and entertainment. Food is bland, people are hostile and ignorant (sports fans are the worst), rednecks are everywhere, and nobody wants to pay for anything, especially good workers. Nice beaches, but I got Brigantine and Beach Haven. The water is colder, but fewer fat-ass hairy women ruining the view.

      • One Man's Opinion says:

        Hey Bork, I agree with you on just about everything here, except for the food. If you were eating bland food you went to the wrong restaurants. The service my be bland…to bad…but the choices, from Cuban to Indian and everything in-between, are plentiful and delish!

      • Mumblety Peg says:

        Men are such pigs.

    • Borkon says:

      One Man: If you’re fond of pineapple and canadian bacon on your pizza, and sandwiches on cardboard, south Florida is the place to pig out. I’m sure it’s better now then when I was there 20 years ago, but still — I’m not going to live anywhere I can’t get scrapple and eggs. Go Eagles! Atco Atco Atco!

  3. C.B. Hudirolf says:

    LOL. I think I like “Florda” better than “Flori-duh.”

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