Joltin’ Joe Has Left and Gone Away

Anticipating Thanksgiving, Guido gives the coffee maker a thorough cleaning. Next morning it dies. Because, 2020.

So Guido replaces the Mister Coffee unit with another Mister Coffee unit. The new model has exactly one control button, front and center, which you press right to activate, then press left to deactivate. When the unit is off, the button glows green. When the unit is activated, the button also glows green, but brighter and larger.

Is this the stupidest fucking design scheme of the new decade? I know from long experience that it will take me months, if at all, to see that green button and NOT think the goddam machine is on. This will happen numerous times daily, every time I’m in the kitchen and the green light catches my eye.

What is the point of illuminating the only control button on the entire unit when it’s off? To make the only button, smack dab in the middle of the unit, easier to find in the dark (because nobody turns lights on when making coffee, right)?

If you’re gonna light up the damn thing when it isn’t on, how about making it red? Anything but the same color!

This sort of shit wouldn’t happen if Joe DiMaggio was still on the job.

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10 Responses to Joltin’ Joe Has Left and Gone Away

  1. Labrys says:

    Come ON! 🥴 You know those lights on when device is off are so you can see at a view when the power has failed! Seriously, that kind of stupid has driven me mad for decades!

    • Squathole says:

      Guido has since pointed out that the light isn’t really on when the unit is off, it’s just reflecting the other light in the room. This is small improvement on its poor design, changing a purposeful error into an unforeseen bad outcome. It also means the only time the light is totally invisible is when the room is completely dark. My problem with this isn’t addressed at all: it’s still going to look to me like the pot is on when it isn’t, unless I walk into the room in the middle of the night and don’t turn the light on. Ha!

      Happy T-Day, Labrys — always good to hear from you.

  2. Lois Terms says:

    If it bothers you that much, just unplug it when you’re not using it.

  3. Mister E says:

    Yelled at any kids to get the hell off your lawn today?

  4. A MANLY MAN says:


  5. Ted End says:

    I don’t get what any of this has to do with Joe DiMaggio. Was he into caffeine or steroids or something?

  6. mad am I says:

    Oh for crying out loud, get a fucking Keurig already! Mad am I

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