Now that the number of COVID-19 cases stands over a million in Florida – third highest in the nation! – I call the office of Gov Runt Duh-Santis to express congratulations. I am connected to a media relations flak in his office.
Well, sure. As of Sunday, Florida counts 1,058,704 infections. That’s 1 in every 19 residents, and as a bonus, the number of deaths per day averages 98.1 – just a hair under 100! Only states with more cases are Texas and California, both with larger populations than ours, so we’re kicking the competition’s ass.
“I wasn’t aware that there was a contest working,” he says, dryly.
Well, maybe not officially, but by aligning the state’s #TrumPandemic strategy with the Great Barrington Declaration, the governor has committed Florida to achieving herd immunity – basically, the disease will stop spreading when nearly everybody contracts it, right?
“Not exactly. The thinking is, open up as close to normal as we can while still protecting the most vulnerable, like senior citizens. Yes, that will accelerate infections, but it will be among populations better able to handle and recover.”
And what young parent or schoolchild wouldn’t risk a touch of potentially fatal epidemic to save great grandpaw, right? How many infections, or what percentage of the population do we need to achieve herd immunity?
“The magic number seems to be 60 – 70%, but we’ve seen various estimates, based on factors like the percentage of disease-inhibiting activities within a population. That’s the reason the governor resists a mask mandate, for example. We want to achieve that threshold quickly.”
Hmmm. Let’s see. Florida’s population is about 21 million, so the governor’s plan is to have between 12.6 and 14.7 million infections. Wow. And we’re only at a million now. Lot of work ahead of us.
“True. But with the impending holidays, there’s incredible opportunity for super-spreader events. Plus a spike in year-end travel. Numbers could double by mid-January.”
“Very young – in fact, the First Lady just had her third child in March.”
Seems then, as state leaders, the DeSantis family should volunteer to become COVID-19 positive as soon as possible. They should set an example for other younger Floridians and accelerate the race to achieve herd immunity. We have at least 11 million to go! Plan the work and work the plan, right?
“Are you out of your mind? What’s the point of being an elitist if you can’t avoid the unpleasant outcomes of the policies you design for everybody else? I know where this is going, so the interview is over.” He rings off.
Well, dag. You’d suppose an ardent Trumpfian asslicker like Runt Duh-Santis would step up in a situation like this, but evidently he’s no Rudy Giuliani.
So it’s up to us, the rank and file. Do your duty, Florida! Get and stay positive! Your Governor supports you, if only from behind!