Aaaah. Friday. But in parts of Florida, the weekend partying has already started.
FORT PIERCE – A 35-year-old woman faces a battery charge after another woman “complained of a bite to her nipple area” following several confrontations at BJ’s lounge in northwest Fort Pierce, according to recently released records.
The victim told investigators a woman identified as Ware “jumped” her as she exited the bathroom. Asked why she was “jumped,” the victim said, “I guess because when I came out of the bathroom, my brother was fighting her old man and the whole 10th Street gang,” a warrant affidavit states.
The victim added she wouldn’t “start something” with Ware, a Fort Pierce resident whom the victim described as a “big old girl.” “She is way bigger than me,” the victim said of Ware, who is 5 feet 8 inches tall and 262 pounds.
The victim had several scratches on her head and neck and “complained of a bite to her nipple area,” the affidavit states. A female Fort Pierce police officer took photos of the alleged bite mark. –Sun-Sentinel
1. Is it against the law in Ft Pierce to bite another person’s nipple? If so, should the police department invest in tiny handcuffs for teething infants? Prepare a proposed resolution for the city commission stating the case.
2. At 5’8″ and 262 pounds, why is Ware engaging in barroom pugilism when she could be lining up for any number of NFL teams on any given weekend? If you were a sports agent, how would you approach this prospective client? Other than carefully.
3. Suppose during their simultaneous altercation, Ware’s “old man” had bitten the alleged victim’s brother on the nipple. What is the likelihood that anybody have reported this? Do two nipples make a (dropped) dime?
3a. Extra Credit: If I never try an awful pun like that again, the class may bite both my nipples. Hard.
4. Are you intrigued by women brawling in upstate bars enough to stop at BJs to check out the action next time you’re heading north on the turnpike? Other than arranging in advance for a bail bondsman and a lawyer, what other precautionary measures would be advisable? Hint: rabies.
5. Comment on the “female police officer taking photos of the alleged bite-mark.” Is this thorough law enforcement, or another wrinkle of kink? Estimate the time before these photos are available on teh internets.
Good luck! Submit your answers by 5 PM. Have a good weekend, and remember to smile for the camera!
Note: This sort of nipple-chewing would never have happened in West Virginia. See Tuesday’s post.