Twenty-One Fifty to Headquarters…..

Most of us figure cops have lousy jobs.  They’re disliked, often hated, and they deal with lowlifes, assholes, and dangerous fuck-ups on a daily basis.  For this they get little recognition and even less remuneration.  Even people who don’t especially like cops — I’m one — acknowledge that theirs is a hard, bad job.

Always here to help, I have an idea for a recruiting film based on the following news item:

Panama City cops got a call about a suspicious vehicle in the parking lot of Dollar General Store. They found two partially nude females, ages 24 and 20, engaged in sexual activity in a white Nissan, reports the Panama City News Herald.

After allowing the women to get dressed, the cops saw multiple white pills in the car. The 20-year-old woman told officers the pills, a generic form of Lortab, were hers and she didn’t have a prescription for them.

The woman then confessed to having a baggie of marijuana, which she “retrieved from her rectum.”

The marijuana was kept as evidence.  No wonder they call it “skunk weed.”   And you gotta wonder, considering where she hid it: Was it laced with crack?  —

Yeah, I know.  Hard to believe, right?  The paper spelled “Loritab” wrong.

14766576-ac2c-476b-b2d7-607c5014e8ddThat aside, picture the video: a pair of near-naked 20-something lesbians getting it on in a car.  Busted!  We watch them scramble back into their clothes, after which the younger one reaches into her ass and hauls out a bag of hippie lettuce.  Following procedure, the young ladies are read their rights, securely handcuffed, then whisked away for processing.

Rookies, you need to be prepared for these circumstances because they happen all the time.

That should swell enrollment figures, yes?  And speaking of swelling, I’m gonna Google on “handcuffed naked lesbians” to see about a graphic for this post.

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11 Responses to Twenty-One Fifty to Headquarters…..

  1. Ted End says:

    Why were police called to begin with? Is it illegal to lesbianize in Panama City?

  2. Rim Shot says:

    Nice one, Ted. Not.

    I can’t buy this. Like, they see lights and one says, “Cops! Quick! Hide ths dope up your ass!” And then she tells them where it is and pulls it out? Really? Something smells of ass here, and it isn’t just the weed.

  3. Panama City Police Department says:

    For the record, there is no ordinance prohibiting lesbianization in Panama City, but there are ordinances prohibiting sexual activity in automobiles, both stationary and moving.

    — Sgt. Baily “Butch” Rumphole, Community Liasion

  4. Fran G'Panni says:

    Say, “Butch”… there an ordinance up there in Bumblefuckville about sticking marijuana up your ass, too? Or just taking it out?

  5. Ortho Stice says:

    At least thsse Panama City cops made an actual arrest. In Broward County, all they ever do is suck down donuts and coffee between writing speeding tickets.

  6. Camiel Toe says:

    If that’s the raciest image you found for “handcuffed naked lesbians” you need to leggo your manhood and sharpen your google skills.

  7. Panama City Police Department says:

    Fran G’Panni: You’re under arrest. Meet me naked in your car in 10 minutes.

    – Sgt. Baily “Butch” Rumphole, Community Liasion

  8. Art Rocks says:

    I love cops. Love ’em. But I hate people.

  9. squathole says:

    This comment has been denuded by the editor, removed from its Nissan, and handcuffed by the police.

  10. ya'gotta'guessit says:

    Don’t bother buttenin’ up, sis.
    Or you, sis.

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