Bad title. Sorry. But I’m short on time.
I’m updating my iTunes/iPod self-torture devices — fuck you, dead Steven Jobs for these truly pathetic but propaedeutic devices — and a song I really like starts up called Who The Fuck Is Alice, which, believe it or not, is a rather sentimental rock ballad despite its lyrics and beat. Or at least that’s how I’ve regarded it all these years.
My surprise was that it was Slade who performed it. All this time I thought it was Ian Dury. It sure sounds like Ian Dury.
So with my curiosity piqued I Google its ass and learn what I imagine people half my age already know — that it was originally performed by an Aussie band called New World in the early 70s, and turned into a giant hit by a band called Smokie. About whom I know nothing, even though I fancy myself something of an Aussie-phile. Snap judgment: Smokie looks teeny-bopperish.
I really like Slade, by the way. The first glitter band I ever saw, they used to crack me the hell up. G’dby to Jane still does. I was living in Flourtown, a small suburban Philadelphia town with 250 year old houses and shops, sharing a place with two guys one of whom found this album somewhere and insisted I lend an ear. I was hooked by the album cover, let alone the awful songs. K’mon Feel the Noize. Great. The Kinks in knickers.
As for Ian Dury, he was an astonishing talent, the Ultimate Limey, and his departure left a giant void in British rock that just hasn’t been filled. Although Wreckless Eric comes close. If there others I’d like to know who they are.
But where I’m going with this. While researching Alice, I discover that another Aussie artist covered it as well, a bloke called Kevin Bloody Wilson. Ha! Great. That sounds vaguely familiar, and in reading about him, I start to wonder if I have anything he recorded. Insofar as I’m already monkeying around with my iTunes punishment, I riff through and damn — turns out I do have exactly one song by Kevin Bloody Wilson called “I’ll Never Shit Solid Again.” I can’t find a video, but here’s the lyrics.
So now my iTunes is updated — and my iPod’s battery dies (dies). No warning, of course, just like there’s no on/off switch, and no way to tell if the damn thing is shut down entirely or just dark unless you turn it on and start over and even then…..and this stupid fucking spin-wheel control from hell I’ve been bitching about forever which I understand has finally been replaced……well, I’ve been through this and it’s bad for my bile and blood pressure. Fortunately, it’s 5:00 somewhere.
How about iPod I Taw a Puddy Cat? No. Start over.
Obalesque must die, or read the instructions.