Let’s begin by debunking a popular myth/meme circulating the interwebs: a tranquilizer dart was NOT needed to remove NJ Governor Porcine from the stage following his keynote address to the RNC. The moronic remarks shat from his face and his hyper-mouth demeanor are just the way he rolls — literally. Front-row audience members were provided hazmat suits and plastic waterproofing as a matter of routine. There’s even a name for it (the Gallagher Protocol).
Moving on, let’s focus on the positive:
Speaking at a panel discussion at the Republican National Convention, [Jeb!] Bush repeated his frequent warning that the party must change its tone, an admonition he has frequently raised about the party’s hardline position on immigration.
“The future of our party is to reach out consistently to have a tone that is open and hospitable to people who share values,’’ he said, adding “the conservative cause would be the governing philosophy as far as the eye could see … and that’s doable if we just stop acting stupid.” —Miami Hurled
The obvious revelation here is that Florida’s beloved former governor Jeb! Bush, a loyal, faithful Republican with very deep roots, acknowledges that his party has been acting stupid. You need to be acting stupid in order to stop.
Because I don’t recall any other member of the GOP ever so much as suggesting as much, obvious as it is, I phone Jeb!’s office for clarification. A spokescritter who identifies himself as Dustin Wacks takes the call.
“You’re the fifth caller today,” he tells me. So let me anticipate. No, the Governor did not say all Republicans are stupid. No, he did not say they were acting stupid about everything. He merely pointed out, as he has consistently, that the Republican party needs to extend its outreach to people who share the party’s values, which includes many new immigrants whose overall treatment by the party in terms of statements and policies has not been welcoming at all.”
Fair enough. But what makes Jeb! the authority?
“You’re kidding, right? He was governor of Florida for 8 years, and George W.’s younger brother for his entire life. I think that qualifies him to know stupid when he sees it.”
How did his remarks go over with the party faithful?
“Well, nobody threatened to kill him, although a few did accuse him of hating America and being a communist. But remember, he was talking to a room full of Republican activists. In Tampa.”
In 1980, the ‘Pub platform had the following language: “We also believe there should be local educational programs which enable those who grew up learning another language such as Spanish to become proficient in English while also maintaining their own language and cultural heritage. Neither Hispanics nor any other American citizens should be barred from education or employment opportunities because English is not their first language.” This year, it reads, “we support English as the nation’s official language.” Is that a sample of the stupid stuff Jeb! referred to?
“Um, probably. However, as has been pointed out when people draw attention to the anti-abortion language that makes no exception for rape or incest, nobody really reads or cares about what’s in the party’s platform.”
Now, there’s relief. So the platform isn’t really stupid, either.
“No, just irrelevant. Got what you need? ‘Cause I gotta go.” And he’s gone.
So there you have it. Jeb! wasn’t my favorite guy, but with the luxury that private life provides, he’s actually making sense, and I commend him.
As for Gov Porcine, he was unavailable. Aides told me he was at lunch.