Sports Reports

Yesterday’s papers were terrific.  Reading about north Africa governments crumbling is as entertaining as the class war raging in Wisconsin and New Jersey.  I have no trouble imagining Jersey Governor Porcine ordering air strikes on the NJ Education Association’s leaders, rank, and file.  But here’s what caught my eye:

The [suicide] attack in Faryab Province [Afghanistan] killed at least 3 people and wounded 30, said the provincial governor, Abdul Haq Shafaq. The crowd had gathered for a game of buzkashi, which involves men on horseback trying to grab a dead goat from each other. The governor said the attacker was a 17-year-old boy. It was unclear how officials could judge his age. – NYTimes

Presumably they did not count the decapitated goat among the casualties, which was already dead.  Duh.  You can’t play Buzkashi with a live goat, now, can you?  Here.  Read more about it.

On the field, 15 horsemen…beat and savaged one another for control of the beheaded goat that is the object of the game. Men whipped their horses. Men whipped other men’s horses. Men whipped one another. Horses trampled spectators, stood on their hind legs, galloped with eyes bulging.

And here in Florida, as teams report for spring training, we get excited about baseball.  Look what we’re missing!

These people are fucking Klingons.  Sorry, let me rephrase that for you non-Philadelphians. These fucking people are Klingons.  I wasn’t talking about sex there.  Where were we?

Well, nowhere, thankew very much, and how are you?  That’s it for the Afghan version of Little League and Sunday picnics, a country where at this moment 1,484 Americans have died for some reason.  Defending the national sport maybe?  We’ll be sure to ask Sec of State Hillary Clinton at the next press conference.

Closer to home, and completely unrelated, Troy Jackson died (died):

Troy Jackson, one of the best-known stars of street basketball died Sunday in Los Angeles. He was 38 and lived in Dix Hills, N.Y. The cause was hypertensive heart disease, the Los Angeles medical examiner’s office said….At 6 feet 10 inches and as much as 500 pounds, Jackson cut an unlikely figure on the court. Nicknamed Escalade after the Cadillac sport utility vehicle, he had supple ball-handling skills that surprised opponents and spectators alike.  NYTimes

Well, maybe there is some small correlation.  Suppose Troy had tried his hand at buzkashi?  Look at the way he wraps his paw around that basketball – imagine that grip on a headless dead goat.  Who’s gonna take it from him?  Hamid Karzai?  Lt. Cmdr. Whorf?

February, worst month in the calendar, ends today.  I propose a toast to headless goats, Klingons, and 500 pound basketball players.

This entry was posted in NIMBY, People Who Died, Died, Playing With Balls. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Sports Reports

  1. Diesel Fitter says:

    February, worst month in the calendar, ends today. I propose a toast to headless goats, Klingons, and 500 pound basketball players.

    I’ll drink to that. Later.

    Jackson was HUGE, larger than life, surreal to see somebody that enormous and graceful. Too bad he died so young, because he would have had another 15 years to perform as a wrestler.

  2. Borkon says:

    If “Governor Porcine” ordered those air strikes, better than half this state would buy tickets to watch. Jersey is top-heavy with government, which means there are 3 government drones for every givernment job, including teachers, cops, firemen, and all the sacred union cows. Sure it’s about union-busting, not the deficit. But the move is overdue.

  3. Borkon says:

    PS He really is fat. No lie.

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