Nice Work If You Can Get It


The Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) has fallen under scrutiny for paying several employees to drink alcohol on the job in order to test a breathalyzer.

Last October, the department allocated $300 for Jim Beam whiskey, Doritos and drink mixers. The Herald Tribune reports that it was part of an effort to preserve the embattled “Intoxilyzer 8000” from being phased out. Fifteen  law enforcement employees were then invited to department headquarters in Tallahassee to drink and eat on the job.
The department set up a video camera to record the events, while FDLE crime analysts, staff assistants and Capitol Police officers drank. Blood tests were then taken and sent to a local lab with a total price tag of $8,000 for the effort….FDLE’s Laura Barfield then appeared in a Sarasota County courtroom hearing to present the test results as evidence that the Intoxilyzer results were accurate. — Yahoo.com

I want to see that video, don’t you?  

But more than that, I want to apply for the job of Intoxilyzer Tester.  This is the best gig I’ve heard of since mattress testing, and that’s only because nobody’s invented the need for poontang taster yet.  

What is it about law enforcement in the Sunshine State?  Where do these administrative-level cops get their fucking brains?  Nobody in OPM (Office of Pig Management) had the foresight and common sense to see just what a bad idea this was, and what it would look and sound like once the media got hold of it?   

It reminds me of the days of Broward Sheriff Nick Navarro manufacturing crack at police labs to use in sting operations.  That ended pretty badly, too.  Imbecile.

It’s sobering to remember that these are the folks with guns, badges, authority, and political connections.  They have the sympathetic ear of the population, and they routinely pose as role models for youth.   They have gigantic budgets and considerable influence on elected officials at all levels in government.  And they pull shitheaded stunts like giggling drunken frat rats.

Just today I got a call from some knob soliciting a contribution for the local Police Benevolent Association.  I cut him off in mid-pitch, thanking him for the call, wishing him a nice day, and hung up.  Was a time I’d  chew these people out and challenge them on their methodology — what percentage of my contribution do YOU keep? — but it’s a losing battle, and frankly, I worry for my own security.  Cops and I never just don’t get along.  They don’t seem to like my face, and I certainly don’t trust them.

As a society, we need police, but we don’t need morons, tyrants, or power pimps.  FDLE has provided us with yet another sordid tale of poor judgment at the highest levels.  A fish rots from the head down.  Ordinary citizens shouldn’t have to wear nose plugs.







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One Response to Nice Work If You Can Get It

  1. Barbara Ganoush says:

    Insight: that $25 you didn’t sent to the PBA would have gone to the purchase of Jim Beam and Doritos.

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