Eye Eye, Governor

I missed this last month.  I was probably distracted by some other wingnut atrocity going on closer to home.

Guttmacher Institute policy analyst Elizabeth Nash told Raw Story last month that Pennsylvania’s proposed measure is one of the most restrictive anti-abortion bills that she had ever seen….In addition to mandating transvaginal ultrasounds, the bill encourages women to listen to the procedure and view images of the fetus.

At a press conference earlier this week, [Gov. Tom] Corbett said he supported the proposal.

“Making them watch, does that go too far in your mind?” one reporter asked.

“I don’t know how you make anybody watch,” Corbett replied. “You just have to close your eyes.”   — Raw Story

Damn!  He’s right.  That’s a big problem.  If the point of the exercise is to shame or bully women into carrying their pregnancy to term — what a wonderful, spiritual, and respectable approach to giving birth! — then this can’t be allowed.  What good is it if these stubborn baby machines just close their eyes when getting state raped?  This defeats the entire purpose.

Fortunately, I have a solution.

I’m a veteran of eye surgeries — Lasik, cataract replacements on both eyes, and a detached retina.  Then there were the dozens of procedures and examinations while the fungus infection and perforated cornea were treated.  Great stuff.  The intake staff at Bascom Palmer and I were on a first-name basis for several years.  I still get Christmas cards.

All these surgeries, as well as many of the diagnostic and subsequent procedures, require substantial time.  The eye has to be kept unblinking and wide open, sometimes for over an hour while the physician or surgeon roots around with an assortment of tools, takes photos, cuts and pastes, etc.  No batting the eyes at the camera, either.

At one point during the retina procedure, there were  so many tool handles and hoses hanging out of my eye it looked a plumber’s back pocket — all I needed was a hairy butt crack painted on my forehead.

The way they keep the eye open is to attach what’s called a speculum.  It does exactly what you suspect — it grips the upper and lower eyelids and locks them in place, wide open, exposing the eye from cheekbone to eyebrow.  That’s one model up there on the right.

You see (sorry) where this is heading, right?  Insofar as the state doesn’t have a problem with mandating this unnecessary and invasive procedure, why not tack on a provision that during the prescribed sonogram, women will have both eyes forced and held open by applying speculums — specula? — for the duration of the sonogram?

True, forcing open both eyes may cause some minor discomfort — and nausea at the thought of it — but isn’t this actually an advantage, given the rationale behind the whole enterprise?

I’ll send word to Pennsylvania’s Gov. Corbett at once.  Glad to be of service to the compassionate conservative agenda.

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4 Responses to Eye Eye, Governor

  1. Lois Terms says:

    He really said that, didn’t he. What is the matter with these people? And what’s the matter with the rest of us who elect them to office when they should be drummed out of society and back to their caves?

  2. Neil, a Christian Soul says:

    The point of this and other similar laws is not to “shame or bully women into carrying their pregnancy to term” as you state, but to provide women with every possible resource to inform their decision to choose life, and to protect the slaughter of unborn children. The basis for the law is respect for God and His gift of life, which suggests that your treatment here is beyond unfair and cruel, it borders on blasphemy.

    I will pray for you just as I pray for women who ignore their Holy Call and terminate their pregnancies by killing the innocent unborn, but you and they are going to hell.

    • Barbara Ganousch says:

      When I read your remarks, Neil, I hear the voice of the Inquisition torturing confessions of guilt from the mouths of innocent people, praying for their redemption the whole time. It’s chilling, and you probably have no idea what I’m saying, which is more chilling.

  3. Chance the Gardener says:

    I like to watch.

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