G-Spot Discovery Gets an F

This should make your morning (thanks, Mr. Schwinnkle!).  It seems a gynecologist on Florida’s west coast has located the precise location of the G-Spot.

Dr. Adam Ostrzenski, a semiretired gynecologist with an office on Central Avenue in St. Petersburg, said he discovered it last fall during a postmortem exam of an 83-year-old woman at a university in his native Poland. — Miami Hurled

As a highly skilled and experienced lover (sorry, ladies: I’m unavailable, and besides, my wife sliced off and keeps my equipment hidden in a bureau drawer somewhere), I know this is nonsense.  Right off the bat, I know that Guido’s G-Spot is nowhere near this dead octogenarian woman.

In fact, the G-Spot isn’t really a “spot.”  That’s just a metaphor.  It’s kind of like the soul, only more useful, and, depending on its owner, much more expensive.  Then again, it’s well worth it.

And while its precise location varies with the individual, there are some vaguely general rules.  For example, I learned that among many of the Jewish girls I dated while growing up, the G-Spot was located in Bloomingdale’s.  Others found it buried in chocolate.

I wonder if Dr. Ostrzenski has ever heard of another European who spent time in Florida looking for legends.  Guy named Ponce de Leon.  Yeah.  “Ponce.”  See the connection?

When I first heard about the concept, I asked a number of older, more experienced guys what they knew about it.  “Who gives a shit?” replied one typical worldly fellow.  “That’s their problem.”

(That’s what ‘50s people were like.  As noted last week, the 50s sucked.)

I wonder if this same quack — figures he’s in Florida, innit? — has poked around in any dead senior citizens to search for the Fake Orgasm spot.  Talk about a mysterious phenomenon — why on earth would any woman fake her own ecstasy?  To encourage the oaf to finish himself off already so she can roll over and sleep?  Why not just throw him off the bed?

It’s been noted many times that while a woman can fake an orgasm, a man can fake entire relationships.

In other news about noble Floridian men, a 29-year old Gainesville fellow told police he left the scene of an accident because he had diarrhea.  Hit and runs?  Hey, shit happens.

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One Response to G-Spot Discovery Gets an F

  1. the masspube says:

    “G” ?

    I always thought it was spelled “Gee” as in, “Gee, you mean I found it?” or “Gee-sus Christ, where the hell is the god damn thing?”

    It seems with this post you have finally hit your stride. My advice…retire immediately. .

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